Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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