Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize