Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
