It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sober January is a disaster.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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