Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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