At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
