Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
