Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
