just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Boobs speak an international language.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
