Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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