Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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