Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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