I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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