When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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