we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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