Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
