I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
