You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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