direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
