There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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