Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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