It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
