My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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