The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
