Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
