My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize