i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
