He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
