She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
