Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
