You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
