oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
