You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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