ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
