why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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