I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
