There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
