I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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