on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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