You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize