marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
