Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
