You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
