I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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