his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize