I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
