apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
