hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
