Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize