Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
