even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
