I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
