It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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