ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
