I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
