the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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