I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
