we're blogging at a bar
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
