I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
