are you so shy because you have an std?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
