My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
