Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
