Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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