The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
