everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
