I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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