She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize