____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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