the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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