Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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