there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ttyl tear gas
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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