I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize