I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
