Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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