its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
